May 12, 2026 @ 1:26 PM | by John Elwood-Elwards-Estonia

In a move described by experts as "unintelligible-at-best", President Donald Trump has officially set into effect a permanent blacklist of New Jersey from the recently-established Cool States Hall of Fame.

"It's completely fucked!" stated 20-year Wall Township resident Rachel DeRachel. "I know that New Jersey's had, like, some terrible shit happen in it, but at least give us another chance. Please. This place is actually super cool, and President Trump needs to rethink his decision."

Ras Baraka, mayor of Newark, called the decision "completely fair" and stated that it "should have happened much sooner". Wall mayor Timothy Clayton refused to comment.